I Fear...

Fear. I've been carrying this fear with me when i was small. Its not so much of a big deal until recently...

I've been having the intention to join my colleagues to Thailand this coming March, but my main concern is, *ahem* I cant swim. Hardly do i ever touch on water, except taking a shower. How am i going to survive if im in the middle of the ocean? Ya, laugh all you want. I've been expecting these as well since i post this entry.

I know its a shame for those who live in this island and know nothing about swimming. Called myself a beach boy, indeed, im a beach boy who runs on the beach... not swimming in the sea.

Was it the fear i had when i was small? Its so real that im unable to justify if its a personal experience or was it just another nightmare. The image of me drowning keeps appear before me. Feelings that are unable to describe. Afraid...

I persisted in acting like a naive child
...
I know that i cant be too dependant
Afraid that you would spoil me...

One need to grow up. About time to start walking now... If not now, then when? Sooner or later, even if i cant swim, at least i need to stay alive. No more of made fairy tale of mermaid saving me when im drown. Its been a burden for lifting the fear on my shoulder for so long now. Need to let go. Need to find the courage, else Koh Rok no more within my sight.

Ah Dann got to face his fear... rang wo men cheng zhe yang guang~~